I Love You

"I loved him. He needed time to think and that was ok- he was worth waiting for... and waiting for... and waiting for. Finally I realized I had waited away my life for an answer he had already given me: Had he loved me back, I would not have had to wait."

--Anonymous

I guess you could say that I'm afraid of love. Those three little words are incredibly hard for me to say and mean at the same time. Yet I can write about it all I want, in fact much of my writing would be considered romantic comedy.

So why did I fall for it this time. Up until about a week ago you could have said I was in love. Its amazing what a week can do. For me it was a sobering experience. Though I think it would be less painful if the last words he said to me were "I love you." So how do you go from saying that to having no contact for over a week? It couldn't have been something I said or did because I said I love you back, and I meant it.

Or maybe it was something I said or didn't say or did or didn't did. I never know with this one, yet I don't find myself wanting to be with him less. But like I said, a week without communication was a sobering experience. Do I love him...yeah without a doubt. But is it really healthy to love someone who finds it difficult to open up to you without being interrogated? Even though I've got investigative journalism skills, relationships are the one place I don't want to have to use them.

So life goes back to normal, I focus on school and the life that everyone has laid out for me. Is it what I want, probably not. But the life I want seems so far out of reach, like the fairy tale every little girl dreams of.